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Ron Paul

Now, you’d think that in a season where there’s The Woman versus The Black Man going on, that there’d be enough fun and drama for two elections.

You’d think that The Suspicious Mormon would spice things up to just the right degree.

You may even imagine that the Cantankerous New Yorker would provide the bit of drama and cross-dressing whimsy needed for an presidential race.

And, you’d be wrong.

Because, out of nowhere, we got the Fucking Deranged Racist Conspiracy-Nut Gynecologist with an Army of Spambots.

Dude.

Dude.

I have discovered that there’s nothing more delightfully hilarious, no tiny little flame of white hot crazy that keeps my political tea candle burning quite like mocking Ron Paul and his battalion of flying monkeys brings joy to my heart. He’s like a perfect gift from Loser Heaven, where the only thing standing between your average Libertarian fucknut and his wildest dreams is the Big Government. As if “state’s rights” isn’t primarily the cowardly cover of racist Southern morons.

And, before anyone barges in with a Boo hoo hoo Constitutioncakes whine-a-thon, let me just tell you: both you and the Good Doctor of full of shit. Anyone that sincerely believes that idiot gives two shits about The Constitution, can dance a jig on their ancestors graves while defending the legal invalidity of birthright citizenship, while I giggle and throw popcorn at them.

Seriously… it just brings the stupid.

Aside from abolishing birthright citizenship, presumably due to the Brown Menace, Paul also wants to eliminate… everything. The DOE. The IRS. The Fed. Etc. We’ll return to the Gold Standard!! We’ll move back to homeschooling! We’ll dismantle Social Security, as it’s a plot by Jewish Space Aliens to brand us all with ID numbers; we’ll eliminate vaccination programs as they’re simply a plot by Merck to lower the population, on behalf of WHO, for reasons unknown—we need Ron Paul to protect us from companies that make pharmaceuticals for… the government… only… not with regulation… with… uh… CONSTITUTION MAGIC! We’ll fund the federal government entirely on wishes and pixie sticks! Who needs courts?! Who needs schools!? Put those little fuckers to work, like we did before restrictive government regulation denied the Prime Movers the right to the cheap labor of little hands!! ‘Cause, you know, the country was just fine before any of those Big Government programs existed! In fact, the country was far better off during the Pre-Plumbed Era. Don’t be fooled by BIG TOILET! Real rugged individualists SHIT IN THE WOODS! Beware the leeching, socialist COMMODE OF COLLECTIVIST OPPRESSION!

VIVA LA REVOLUTION!

tags: politics, ron paul